Me and Henry Johnson or The Crucible of Puberty

Between my Freshman and Sophomore in High School I worked at a Summer job on a working Cattle ranch in Northern California with two High School classmates, the Johnson brothers. This story will unfold against the backdrop of this Job. I have to give you a little background here to fully appreciate the mosaic.

A wealthy family who resided in Los Angeles owned the ranch. The ranch was managed and operated by Henry Johnson Sr., father of my workmates. The Johnson family lived on the ranch in a separate dwelling. Johnson Senior, hired his two sons, Henry Jr. and Albert Robert for the Summer, and on their recommendation, he also hired me. Now earning the money was a fine motivation, but there were other forces at work here. It just so happened that the Owner's family included two high school age daughters, Melody and Barbara. Both were lookers and even better they were from L. A. To us, these were sophisticated women, not girls. I was determined to look into this phenomenon. Accordingly, I jumped at the chance for that employment. At the time of my hire, Henry informed me that the girl’s parents had departed the ranch and returned to Los Angeles leaving the girls in the charge of an Aunt. The possibilities here were exciting.

Lets get to work. Bright and early on a Monday morning, myself, Henry, and Albert Robert mustered with Johnson Senior. He issued our work orders for the day. We were going out to fence off a section of creek bottom about two miles north of the Ranch House. He said the fencing materials were already on site, so all we would need to do is transport the tools and other equipment. I was assigned to drive the Jeep which would carry everything and Henry and Albert Robert decided to ride horses out to the job. This was fine with me. I was young, but Dad let me drive his Jeep all the time, so I was a pretty good driver. In truth, I had never ridden a horse. I had been around animals a lot in my life, but my horse experience was lacking. I was greatly relieved when I received my assignment. That was definitely in my "Cool" parameters. Consequently, the girls would be able to see a real “Operator” in action. This was really working out. Firm in our, self perceived heroic roles we got ready to go out to the job. The girls were not outside at the time, but I am sure that each of us harbored a phantasy that placed both girls at windows, breathlessly peering from behind curtains and marveling at the aspect of three such handsome and competent young men. I noticed, at the time, Henry Sr. was standing there smiling and kind of shaking his head. I now understand why.

As we were preparing to leave the ranch yard in all our glory, it occurred to me. Hum??? Three boys-Two girls. It dawned on me that we were going to have “bloodsport” because of the numbers discrepancy. What motivated these thoughts was Sr. announcing that the Aunt and the girls were going to come out later and say hello and watch us for a while. His charge was "Don't do anything stupid and for Christ's sake, act like gentlemen. "No problem, SR." Off we went.
At a point about three feet outside the ranch complex gate, the male jockeying for the superior position began. Remember, in our testosterone brains, the girls are watching us from behind the curtains. I neglected to mention that it was 7:00 AM. I had the advantage of speed which made me very cool in the short term. That advantage melted quickly when we reached country that was difficult to navigate. The horses then definitely had the advantage. However, round one went to me because Henry and Albert Robert's advantage didn't kick in until we were out of sight of the ranch house. Even so, I continued to compete, but I had to relent because I was throwing all the equipment around by trying to go too fast for the terrain. In fact, I had to stop once and pick up some stuff that had bounced out. No big deal, if the girls didn't see it, I was still very cool.

When we arrived at the creek, we decided to take a break. Understand we were a "Band of Brothers"; however, that competitive manly undercurrent was ever present. Simply stated, "I would do anything for you, my brother, but I would gleefully step on your face to get the girl." This was the situation that Summer day. The Johnson boys had somewhat of an advantage because they already knew the girls and had interacted with them to a degree. I was not put off by this advantage, but I did realize that I had some territorial making up to do. Also, I had never built range fence before, so I was at an additional disadvantage because of that. As it turned out we were really lucky, Johnson Sr. and a hired ranch hand had come out earlier in the week with the Jeep and a power take off Auger attached to the Jeep and had dug all of the corner post holes. We were only going to have to hand dig a few in areas where they could not reach with the Auger. As the new guy, It was expected that I would man the manual post hole digger. I don't know if you have ever experienced this peculiar pleasure, but If you haven't, avoid it. Bad career path.

We had spent the first hour or two on the job getting set up, bull-shitting, and in general screwing around. At some point, we went to work. While we worked, a discussion developed about what was more useful for ranch work: A Jeep or a horse? In the brutal arena of teenage boys vying for a superior position, reason and common sense can become casualties. My position was that the Jeep could accomplish anything that could be done from a horse. Now, I know I am in trouble with that stance, but I’ve got to go with it. I am operating from a weak position. I am the relative newcomer. I don't have a background of growing up on a ranch and I have never ridden a horse. The question is, will I take a subservient role to the Johnson boys? Not on your life! The argument continued divorced completely from any reasonable viewing of reality. No one would give an inch. Henry and Albert Robert were working me into a bad spot though. Little by little, they kept heaping on examples of what can be accomplished with a horse. Their superior experience was beginning to expose me. All I had to throw up was, The Jeep can get there faster and haul the gear too. It did not occur to we three Einstein's' that the two tools complemented one another.

The morning went on in this fashion and then it happened. I was finishing up digging on a dead man and one of those moments that teenage boys dream of when in an adversarial situation. I looked up and saw the girls and Auntie come into view. They were about fifty feet from us. I also noticed, first in shock, and then in glee that Henry was over by a tree, in full glorious view of the ladies, peeing. I swear, it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. Upon discovering his dilemma, I thought Henry was going to beat himself to death getting that thing put away. He also managed to pee all over the front of himself. Every bit of cool that he had built up and hoped to build up dissipated into that morning air. Besides being funny as hell, of course, I was loving it. The playing field of Henry and I had changed in that instant and tilted towards me. I could not have been happier. I would take this opportunity and step on his face. It was a beautiful moment. Ah! The puberty crucible.

Both Albert Robert and I lost it. Henry was hung out to dry, and he was giving his brother some kind of wounded look; you know, the what's up, you're my brother, how could you? The looks I received were murderous. (He had already perceived my interest in one of the girls.) By this time, the girls and Auntie were upon us. After greetings, Albert Robert and I suddenly became extremely busy with the work at hand, leaving Henry to dangle in his embarrassment. He had two immediate problems. 1. His full view peeing. 2. The front of his pants were very wet. This was bad. Albert Robert and I had deserted Henry to handle the social amenities and we were not going to help him. His position was now disgraced, and for me life could not have been better. He could hold a roll of wire in front of him only for so long. It was heavy. The girls were great. There was a good amount of snickering and side-long glances at the front of Henry.

Because of previous conversations, I had discerned that Albert Robert and Barbara were pretty solid. That narrowed down the field, obviously to Melody. That was not a problem with me. She was a looker and very congenial. Before this morning, there had been that pesky Henry, but fortuitous events had changed the landscape. Henry's discomfort was becoming more and more evident. By this time Albert Robert started paying attention to Barbara and effectively removed himself from the strife. I kept up displaying my delight and made sure Henry knew I drew great satisfaction from that. It finally did appear that this might turn into a fight between Henry and I. However, Auntie frowned that notion out of existence. Finally, Auntie took the pickup and went over to the Dredger pit to hunt for prehistoric sea shells. The girls stayed with us. I took this wonderful opportunity to move in on Melody. It might have been viewed as a bit presumptuous, but I had to seize the moment. She seemed interested. This was going to be a fine day. Melody gave me the sweetest smile, I’ve ever seen. I decided then and there I was going in.

(More murderous looks from Henry)